


and now, i see daylight

by amyscascadingtabs



Series: parts of the story [5]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Babies, Canon Compliant, Episode: s07e07 Ding Dong, F/M, Family Fluff, Fluff, One Shot Collection, Parenthood, Post-Episode: s07e13 Lights Out, Pregnancy, Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23132032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyscascadingtabs/pseuds/amyscascadingtabs
Summary: "Ames... Are we having a baby?""We're having a baby."collection of shorter, canon-compliant peraltiago stories about babies, pregnancy and all that (wonderful, chaotic, perfect) jazz, from s7 onwards.
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Series: parts of the story [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1205560
Comments: 61
Kudos: 221





	1. dust off your highest hopes

**Author's Note:**

> i felt like this new chapter in b99 story deserved its own new collection, so i've decided to separate the baby fics i wrote pre-canon babies and the ones i'm writing post into different ones! season seven feels good, don't you think? 💞
> 
> collection title from daylight by taylor swift.
> 
> disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, and my view and portrayal of the cops in b99 is not an accurate representation of how i feel about the actual nypd and police. it is not meant and has never been meant to be viewed as such, and it is my deepest wish that you do not use these characters and these portrayals as a way to affect your feelings about police in real life. thank you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set during s07e07. amy takes her first ever positive pregnancy test.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI
> 
> i... cried so much. i can't believe that happened. i'm so happy i stayed awake to see this episode because it absolutely killed me and i'm just so, so happy. they're having a baby, guys!!!! to quote charles, i don't know if i believe in god but i have prayed for this. 
> 
> title from everything has changed by taylor swift - one i've waited to use.

When she first hangs up on the fertility doctor, Amy's angry.

She's not pregnant. She already knows that to be true. There's no way it would just happen almost on its own after six months of obsessive planning ended in nothing. Sure, she's heard of all the stories where couples have decided to take a break from trying and fallen pregnant naturally - she's watched the tear-jerker YouTube videos and read the blog posts - but those are _miracle stories_. They’re not going to happen to her. She’s bad at making babies, needs pills and nasal sprays and shots in her stomach for it to have a chance of happening, and she’s _not pregnant,_ despite the careful suggestion from her doctor over the phone that if she’s feeling overly emotional and isn’t sure why, she could always try taking a pregnancy test and see what it shows.

Taking pregnancy tests gives her serious anxiety at this point. She knows there’s two of them left, pushed to the back of the bathroom cabinet in case she absolutely needs them, but there’s a feeling of unease in her entire body at the thought of taking one. It’s going to be another negative, another single line that screams of failure and dejection and the imminent arrival of her period, and she’s going to have to show that negative test to Jake, and his disappointment is going to make the pain even worse. It’s been the worst part of every test so far, the desolation in his eyes making her feel that much more devastated and ashamed. She never wants to see that look again, but she can’t lie to him, either.

The thought hits her that maybe, she doesn’t have to. She could take this test as a safety check and bury it in the bottom of the kitchen trashcan after, and he would be none the wiser. It’s not ideal and probably more than a little rude, but she’s just saving him the heartbreak, after all. Shared pain never seems to be halved pain when it comes to this.

She spies through the door to make a judgment about whether he’s going to notice her absence, but he’s deeply focused on _Mario Party,_ talking out loud to the game in a way that’s equal shares adorable and ridiculous. She should be safe. She’ll sneak into the bathroom, pee on the test, just to get it over with. Then she’ll call the fertility doctor again tomorrow and tell them they were wrong.

She doesn’t allow herself to consider the possibility of anything but a negative as she puts the test down and starts the timer. Sure, she’s spent the last week crying at everything from car commercials to her toast being too dry, she’s either been sweating or felt weirdly cold, and she wanted to cry earlier today when Rosa’s elbow accidentally brushed against one of Amy’s boobs for a second and it hurt like _hell_. But those could easily be medication side effects, a result of pumping her body filled with hormones it’s not used to, and she can’t remember any other symptoms. She’s not had any weird reactions to smells. She’s not nauseous. She’s tired, but she was always tired when they were trying, too. It never meant anything back then, and it doesn’t mean anything now.

She counts the tiles on their bathroom floor as she waits, and swats away the thought of a potential, a microscopic embryo growing inside her. It would be a miracle, and as much as Amy really wants a miracle - and she really, really wants a miracle - she’s in no shape to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of feeling hopeful just to be let down once again.

She thinks of Jake’s exhausted, but blissfully happy, smile when he came back after from the movie premiere with Cagney, Lacey, and Nikolaj today, the smile that said _I really can’t wait to do this with our own kids someday_. She wants so bad to give him that, to see him with a tiny little baby in his arms that’s half her and half him and entirely, perfectly their own, but she’s accepted the fact that it probably won’t happen without more fertility treatments and embryo transfers. It seems impossible that they would have gotten pregnant on their own, especially when they’re not measuring temperatures or durations or putting their alarms at 06.14 anymore. Having sex without pressure again is great, a thousand times better than for all of those months, but she doubts it’s making any babies. This test is going to show up negative - she’s certain of it.

There are thirty seconds left of the timer. The _Clue_ -app has sent her a notification reminding her that her period is about to start, but Amy clears it. Her cycle’s been wack from the hormones lately, anyway.

She takes a deep breath, reaching for the test and getting ready to rip off the band-aid of seeing another single pink line bullying her.

She looks at it, and then she looks closer, and then a _what the actual fuck_ flies out of her mouth as she leans the test in a different angle, trying to see if it’ll change.

It doesn’t.

There’s a freaking _second line_ , and it’s _strong_ , too strong to be a trick of light or a product of wishful thinking.

Amy’s hands are shaking, shaking so hard she drops the test on the floor, and it clatters against the tiles as it lands next to the bathtub. She picks it up, feeling her jaw just _drop_ as she begins to realize what it means.

She’s pregnant.

She is - _they are_ \- having a baby.

She’s instantly embarrassed for hanging up on her doctor without a word earlier.

“Oh my god,” she whispers to herself, clutching the test in her right hand as her left comes to rest low on her stomach through her shirt, trying to fathom the unfathomable. “Oh my god.”

She needs to tell Jake _now_.

It’s impossible to understand how their apartment looks exactly the same when she comes out of the bathroom, everything identical to how it was before, when her world has been forever changed.

Jake’s sitting in the same position he was five minutes ago, in his pajamas with his entire focus devoted to the Switch, and he doesn’t know it yet but soon his will be forever changed, too.

She stands in the doorway for a second, clutching the test in her pocket and laughing softly as he complains out loud about the characters cheating.

This beautiful, kind-hearted, devoted, impulsive dork of a man is officially the father of her child, and she’s never been so excited to tell him something before in her life.

_They’re having a baby._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it should be noted that this was written in one hour at 8am in the morning, after three hours of sleep and one cup of coffee (and i don't drink coffee). it pretty much just came flying out. i've written many a dramatic and detailed pregnancy reveals, but in the end, i don't think anything could top the simplicity and immense beauty of what the show went with.
> 
> either way; i am far from done writing about this episode, but this felt like a good place to start.💞


	2. just know that i'm already home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy and Jake bring their son home for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've written so many fics like this. writing one with their CANON child hits different, i can tell you. enjoy!
> 
> title from already home by a great big world ❤️

It doesn't feel real to Amy until they're home.

At that point, she’s nearing forty-eight hours of having a baby. Nearly two days now, she’s been a mom to someone who now exists outside of her body, but it still doesn't feel _real_ until she walks over the doorstep of their apartment. 

The days at the hospital were a beautiful, exhausted blur, made up of trying to recover from an intense and painful event and learn her son’s signals while also seeing visitors and remembering to do other, suddenly deprioritized, things like eating and showering. Amy's certain she’ll never forget the nervosity and magic of those hours and hours spent curled up in her hospital bed just staring at their son, but at the same time, they seemed like something happening inside of a dream. Although she knows for a fact that Mac is very much theirs, that he lived inside and came out of her - she's reminded of _that_ every time she stands up - she can’t shake the feeling that they're just borrowing him, and the hospital will make them give him back any second. When the doctor confirms that yes, everything looks perfectly on track for them to go home with their son today, Amy doesn't understand how they can just let them walk out of there.

Still, they do. No one even stops them on the way to their car to say they don't know what they're doing, and together, Jake and Amy make it through the most nerve-wracking car ride of their lives. Not that it’s especially dramatic, or because traffic is any crazier than usual, but because in the backseat next to Amy, sleeping in the safest baby car seat all of New York had to offer, is their son. He's dressed in his fuzzy white jumpsuit with ears and he keeps pulling up his fists to cover his face even as Amy tries to adjust them, and he’s the most precious cargo either of them has ever been in charge of transporting.

They're silent for most of the car ride, stunned with shock and disbelief that this is at all happening, but at every red light, Jake glances back to exchange a smile with her, and each time, it brings the happy tears a little closer.

They take the car seat first, anxious to get their baby home and not force him to be stuck in there any longer than he has to. Mac starts squirming in discomfort the second the vehicle stops moving, and by the time they've reached their door, he's close to crying. It physically pains Amy to hear - she gets that it’s related to the overflowing hormones, but she still wonders how the tiniest of cries can feel like a knife being twisted in her heart - and it's with some sort of supernatural speed that she kneels down the moment they're inside, unbuckling her baby from the seat and holding him close, close.

“It’s okay,” she tells him, rocking slowly back and forth when the whimpers don't immediately cease. “You’re home, baby. We’re home.”

That's when it finally, truly, hits her.

They are home. The three of them, a family, and from this day on, they are going to live here _together_. They will sleep in the same room tonight, Mac hopefully in his crib at arm’s length away from her, and tomorrow, they will wake up together. They will have breakfast, probably take-away from the nearest bakery to celebrate, and maybe eat it in bed if they're tired. Jake will go buy it while Amy feeds their son, maybe listening to NPR in the background like she loves to do on lazy mornings. They will spend their day together, packing up their things and eating ready meals from the freezer, forgetting every priority except sitting on the couch and being mesmerised by their son’s every move. Maybe Jake will put on Die Hard and insist his son needs to get familiar with his namesake from a young age, maybe they won't be able to fend off another visit from Charles and they’ll spend an hour listening to more arguments for why his nickname should be _Uncle Chi-Chi_ , and maybe they'll fall asleep on the couch all together in the afternoon when Mac naps. In the evening, they're going to go to sleep in their bedroom all together, and the day after that, they'll get to do it _all over again_.

This is their home. This is where they will start their life together. 

They’re a family, and now they’re home.

Mac still doesn't seem too happy, though. Amy unzips her jacket, trying to hold him as close to her skin as she can and rock him to calm him down, but it's clear from the flailing fists and repeated cries that something is still bothering him. 

“Do you think maybe he just wants to eat?” Jake asks her, and when she looks at him a little surprised, he shrugs and says, “All the books I read said to try that first when they’re upset.”

“He fed for forever before we left, though,” Amy mumbles, feeling the tears burn behind her eyelids just from listening to Mac’s clear unhappiness. “It just seems too soon. But I guess we could try.”

She makes herself comfortable in the living room armchair, and Jake gets her the nursing pillow from the bedroom as she tries to manoeuvre the situation, still not totally used to the motions of handling a crying baby and unclasping the hook of her nursing bra at the same time. She's still skeptical, thinking that it feels way too short from when he last ate, but it only takes a minute of slight confusion for Mac before he latches on decisively and the fussy crying is replaced by the sweet sound of a slow, content, suckling.

“You were right,” Amy whispers to Jake as he hands her a glass of water. “He was just hungry.”

“Of course I was,” he blushes. “Or, I mean. I took a chance. I guess it was mostly a lucky guess. But, I was right, so, y’know - bragging rights.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, do you?”

“Nope, I don’t remember what sleep feels like. How are you still sitting up?”

“Hormones,” she mumbles. “God, I’m so tired. I must look like a mess.”

“You look badass,” Jake insists so quickly Amy wonders if it’s instinctive. She’s currently wearing maternity sweatpants and a stolen hoodie from her husband, she has one boob out trying to feed a baby and she knows from looking into the mirror this morning at the hospital that her nights of minimal sleep are _showing_. She’s certainly felt less badass, and yet Jake is looking at her with the same amount of love in his eyes as he had the night she agreed to name their son McClane. “You _are_ badass.”

“I am?”

“I don’t know anyone else in this room who could give birth to a baby, without any drugs or medication, in a police precinct during a city-wide blackout. So, yeah. But it didn’t surprise me,” he grins. “You’re just that awesome.”

“The craziest birth story.” Amy smiles, putting down the glass of water so she can use her free hand to stroke the back of Mac’s head. “I guess it makes sense. I mean, if you think about our history as a couple. We had our first kiss undercover, we broke all the rules and slept together on our first date, and we gave a man a fatal heart attack from making out at work only in our first day as a couple. You proposed to me during a Halloween Heist. There was a bomb threat at our wedding and we ended up getting married outside the precinct. Mac just wanted to catch up.”

“For sure.” Jake laughs, reaching over to wiggle his son’s feet the way he’s done about a hundred times in the last few days. “I get it, buddy. You wanted to have a crazy-ass story, too. You know, we _would_ still have taken you in even if you were born at a hospital under normal circumstances, but I get it.”

Amy giggles. “He just wanted to start in time. It’s okay. It makes for a fun story,” she yawns. “But the next time better be a hospital birth.”

She doesn’t realize what she’s said until she notices Jake freezing, staring at her in disbelief. “You’re thinking about the _next_ one?”

“No! Maybe?” She grimaces. “Yes? A little. I’m just saying - _some time_ in the future -”

“You’re insane, you know that?”

“I’m too tired to know what I’m saying!”

“We’ll see how we do with the first one,” Jake says, shaking his head. “And then we’ll decide. Either way, we are _not_ talking about it tonight, that's for sure.”

“That’s fair,” Amy says, booping Mac’s nose. “Let’s start with focusing on our first perfect baby.”

“That I could do forever. Have you noticed how cute his cheeks are?”

“Every time I’ve looked at him in the past two days, and then again every time you or someone else have mentioned them, and then again every time I’ve taken a picture of him, and another time when I’ve looked at the picture.”

“They’re so good. I keep thinking I’ve settled on the cutest thing about him, but I keep changing my mind, because every single thing about him is just so perfect.” 

“Yeah.” Amy strokes her index finger over Mac’s soft cheeks as he starts to pull away from her breast, stretching his hands out the way she’s noticed he will do whenever he’s full. “I think he’s done. How do you feel about being burped in the face by a two-day-old human?”

“Oh, it would be the greatest honor of my life, thank you.”

Amy passes their son over to Jake, clasping the hooks of her bra back together and folding down her shirt while Jake holds their son in an already well-practiced grip, patting his back to help him get rid of the air he’s swallowed. She finishes the last sips of her water as she watches Jake snuggle his nose into Mac’s neck, breathing in the oh-so-addictive baby scent. Then it seems like he can't get enough, because he holds Mac so they're face-to-face while he presses kisses all over his son's face. Mac opens his mouth in what looks to be a yawn, and then, true to the words that were intended to be just a joke, he burps his dad in the face.

“Charming,” Jake mutters while Amy keeps laughing at his shocked expression. 

“Well, I did warn you, babe.”

Mac still doesn't seem content afterwards, though. He’s fussy, cranky, and not even being bounced in his father's arms seems to relax him as he makes tiny, jerking moments before letting out yet another upset cry. They try to see if he's still hungry, if he didn't actually eat until fullness, but that just makes him pull away his head and get even angrier. His little mouth twists in discontentment, making the saddest little upside-down U, and he manages to shatter Amy's heart with just one devastated look. 

Then she gets an idea, or maybe it’s instinct, but it feels more like a lucky guess. She adjusts Mac so that he’s laying upright on her chest, his nose against her neck and his heart beating against hers, and after one final shaking cry, it looks like Mac draws a breath of relief. Amy's hand strokes gently over his back, unbuttoning the top buttons of his little jumpsuit with green dots to maximize the skin-to-skin contact, and feels her son relax against her. The tension in their seems to melt away at the same time, and Amy feels like she could cry again from how natural, how fragile yet unbreakable, and how _special_ it feels.

Her son just wants to be close to her. Her heartbeat, her simple presence, is calming to him. This child knows he is safe with her, and his sudden calm in contrast to the earlier panic is the most beautiful love-letter Amy has ever received. She feels his exhales against the skin of her neck, warm and smelling like sweet milk, and for the one-thousandth time in the last two days, she falls in love. 

She is Mac’s safe place, and when he lays on her chest, he is home.

“Is it nice to be home?” Jake asks her as she carefully moves to the couch with Mac, letting her husband throw her favorite soft blanket over the three of them before he rests his head on her free shoulder.

“Are you asking me or Mac?”

“Can it be both of you?”

“Yeah,” she smiles. “I think we're both enjoying it.”

Mac grunts like he’s trying to get involved in the conversation, and they both laugh.

“He definitely is,” says Jake, kissing the top of Mac’s head. “Welcome home, Mac. And you too, Ames.”

“Welcome home, Jake,” she whispers, watching him light up in an exhausted, but nevertheless incomparably bright, smile. “It's really, really good to be home.”

Five minutes later, Jake falls asleep on her shoulder, holding his son's fist in one of his hands and drooling slightly with his mouth open. Amy sighs to herself, instantly realizing that she’ll have to wake him soon unless she wants to be stuck in this impractical position forever, but then she looks at the sight of her husband and son and feels her annoyance melt away. 

Her two favorite people in the world, sleeping on her because she's their ultimate safe place and _home_ , and they're hers. She's home with them, and they're home with her, and they're all home in the apartment where they will begin their life together. Tomorrow, and the day after that, and then for many more days to come.

Together, they're finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know things have been weird when i take TWO WEEKS to write a post-episode fic about an event like this. i'm sorry for taking so long - i was going through some pretty serious stuff. i know i don't have to apologize, but it makes feel me better. i'm hoping to get back in the writing game a little bit in a while, but sometimes life gets in the way.
> 
> i'm sending my love to all of you guys. i hope you are well and staying safe. ❤️


	3. we've found a love to cross the ages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Amy celebrate their third wedding anniversary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with five minutes to go before it's no longer may 15th in my timezone, here's my contribution for it this year. happy second anniversary, jake and amy! i skipped ahead a year in the fic to attempt to follow the b99 timeline that noone except fans care about. here's another fic in which jake is the best husband, because we love coping mechanisms in this house. 
> 
> (also, i finished this literally ten minutes ago, so it's not exactly beta'd, hehe. COPING.)
> 
> title from emma blackery's 'forever'.

Even though he’s only seven months into the joys of parenthood, Jake is starting to feel like he’s got the key points of it down. He’s mastered several valuable skills to near perfection - for example, how to best change a diaper without getting peed on, how to heat up bottles of pumped breastmilk in complete darkness, and how to feed yourself with one hand while you're holding your baby on the other arm. He’s learned that his son is objectively the best and most magical person in the entire Universe, and that he would do anything and everything to make sure his son is safe, happy, and loved. He's learned that the last part is a feeling that grows exponentially, strengthening by the day.

Most of all, however, Jake has learned that _babies do not care about your plans_. They don’t care if you're exhausted from your work shift and craving a night with more than four consecutive hours of sleep, they don’t care that it's the fifth time you've changed shirt today because of various baby-related stains, and they certainly, as proved obvious in the case of this particular night, do not care if it’s their parents’ third wedding anniversary, for which they had been planning a proper date night with fancy attire, dinner reservations, and Broadway tickets. At the very least, Mac doesn't.

Jake supposes it’s not technically his son’s fault. _Double-sided ear infection, ruptured eardrum on the right_ , had been their pediatrician’s judgment when they took Mac there this morning, following a night of so much crying that in the end, their son wasn't the only one whose ears were seriously hurting. Amy had ended up staying home with him for the day, whilst Jake had spent his workday downing a dangerous amount of coffee to not incidentally fall asleep if he as much as leaned against a wall for a second too long, and they had ended up canceling the date plans. Mac wasn't his usual happy self, it wasn't fair to hand Charles a feverish baby for a night, and neither of them really had the energy to dress up for dinner at a restaurant when running on less than two hours of sleep. Date night - officially canceled.

“Well,” Amy groans as she confirms the babysitting cancellation with Charles over text for a third time, assuring him that yes, they would be okay, and yes, they would call him the next time they needed a babysitter. “This wasn't how I had planned for tonight to go.”

“I don’t think it was anyone’s plan,” Jake tries to comfort her from a distance as he starts on his n-th lap walking around the kitchen table while bouncing Mac in the Babybjörn. Through a joint and arduous effort, they’d finally managed to get their son to take some baby Tylenol without spitting it out, and half an hour later’s worth of crying, he was finally dozing off. “Least of all Mac’s, I bet.”

Amy pouts, watching her son with the same worried gaze that Jake recognizes from times in his life he’d rather forget - a car outside a farm in Pennsylvania, a filled courtroom, the nights after he came home and the nightmares kept them both up. “I know. It breaks my heart to see him like that - I wish there was a way I could just take that pain from him, because he doesn’t even understand it, you know? I’d much rather suffer myself than see him doing it.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Yeah.” She sighs. “But I’m also sad about not getting to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I was going to wear a dress, and do my makeup, and get to hang out with just you for several hours and spend almost all of that time talking about how much we miss our baby, but _still_. I wasn’t planning for sweatpants and a sick baby.”

“I know, Ames.” He stops behind her on the kitchen chair, quickly pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Me too.”

“I’m just so exhausted,” she mumbles, pulling down the sleeves of her grey NYPD hoodie and resting her chin on her hands. “He slept for two hours, so I tried to do some work, but it’s _riddled_ with typos, and I could swear there’s a dangling participle in there somewhere. Imagine if I’d sent that to Holt! I need a nap, and I need to pump, because he’s been glued to me for the entire day but he’s barely wanted to eat.”

“You could combine those things?”

Amy snorts. “I wish. If I’d figured out how to pump while asleep, I would be _so_ efficient. But no.”

She lets out a yawn, and as much as Jake can feel his own exhaustion like a dull, weighted blanket on top of him, relentless despite the caffeine he’s tried to combat it with, he only needs to glance at his wife to know her day’s been worse. Sure, policework is tough, but he knows from experience exactly how much more demanding a full day of caring for a sick, fussy, baby can be. Jake loves his wife, but she’s categorically useless at letting herself rest sometimes.

“You can go to sleep for a bit,” he tells her, nodding when she raises an eyebrow. “Or pump, then sleep. Whatever you need.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Mac’s sleeping, and you’ve taken care of him the entire day. I’ll take him for a couple of hours, and you get some sleep, okay? You need it.”

“Rude,” she grimaces, but there’s an air of relief over her when she stands up, brushing her lips against the stubble on his cheek - shaving’s becoming less and less of a priority for him these days. “But okay. I love you.”

“Love you, too,” he whispers, and she gives him a knowing smile before heading towards their bedroom.

He had been looking forward to their anniversary date, too. Not for the reasons Amy seems to believe; Jake loves her in fancy dresses and makeup, but he loves her just as much when she hasn’t washed her hair in two days and she’s wearing pajamas with milk stains and baby spit-up on it. He _had_ been looking forward to spending some child-free time with her, but not because he prefers it over an evening at home with her and Mac. No, he’d really just been longing for a chance to show his tired, hard-working, champion of a wife how special she is to him, how much he loves her, and the life they have built. A proper date had seemed like the perfect way to do that, whereas a night at home with their sick baby did not seem nearly as strikingly effective, but Jake figures that shouldn’t mean it’s impossible.

“Come on, Mac,” he whispers, stroking his thumb over his son’s still-rosy cheeks. “Let’s see if we can surprise Mommy.”

The living room is far from what Jake would categorize as messy, but he knows it’s already at a level that would bother Amy, so he starts by cleaning. He rinses the used water glasses, places a used muslin blanket in the laundry, folds the knitted blanket over the side of the armchair. He finds a number he knows he wrote down in his phone once, an Italian place that Charles recommended and which does delivery, and orders them dinner all while bouncing on a yoga ball to soothe Mac when he starts whimpering in the middle of the call. He closes the curtains, dims the lights, and finds the battery-operated tealight candles they’ve resorted to ever since Mac started trying to crawl, spreading them out on the dinner and couch tables. He puts on a Spotify playlist with piano music and finds a bottle of white wine he’s not sure when they bought, but which looks fancy enough for a date night.

It’s not much, he thinks, not when he has neither flowers nor a card nor a fancy anniversary gift to present - he’d thought to buy the first two things after work, then ended up rushing home to help Amy with Mac - but it’s something.

Judging from the gasp she lets out when she comes into the living room, and the puzzled look she gives him as she realizes, it seems that Amy agrees.

“What’s all this, babe?”

“Well, I thought…” He scratches his neck, shrugging as he looks to the makeshift table setting on the dinner table, “even if we can’t go out, and even if we’re in our sweats, that doesn’t mean we can’t still have a date night for our anniversary. I’m sorry it’s not much, but… I thought it could be nice.”

“Jake, this is…” She shakes her head, looking around at his improvised decorations. “Wow.”

“You like it?”

“I thought we were just going to eat frozen pizza in bed,” she says. “Seems like I was surprised.”

“Surprise,” he grins, and it makes her laugh.

They eat their dinner one at a time, because Mac begins to cry if they as much as attempt to put him to sleep on his own, but it’s still great, and Jake makes a note to text Charles a thank you for the recommendation. After dinner, they dig out a tub of salted caramel ice cream from the freezer, and the whole family snuggles up together on the couch as Mac eventually accepts a bottle, drinking the whole thing in Jake’s arms before he passes out again.

It’s far from the most glamorous or ambitious date night they’ve had. Jake thinks back to their very first official date as Amy leans her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes, remembering to the haircut and suit and the Kamikaze shots needed to kill the initial awkwardness between them. He’d been so nervous before that date, deathly afraid to mess things up and scare her away, scared to love too hard and scared to love too little.

He hadn’t known it then, but it hadn’t been long before he’d started feeling the first sensations of something both ever-changing and permanent; a safety he hadn’t known before, but instantly craved more of. It had lingered, and it had grown, and it had brought him more happiness than he could have ever imagined that morning all those years ago when he kissed her for _realz_ in the evidence locker and she kissed him back. Kismet, happenchance, or an amalgamation of the two - somehow, they found each other, and found the things in each other that made the work of building a relationship worth it.

Jake’s never needed fancy, anyway, he thinks as his eyes grow heavier and he lets them fall closed for a second. Life gets considerably less fancy when you have a baby, it’s part of the deal, and they’re always tired now. There’s less time for just about everything, and most days their topics of conversation circle around logistics and their baby ninety percent of the time, but having the safety of every day with her, with Mac, with _his family_ \- it’s more than Jake dreamed he would ever get, better than he ever thought he deserved.

“It’s weird to think he wasn’t here the last time we celebrated our anniversary,” Amy says, playing with the curls near Mac’s neck and using her newly acquired, already finely tuned, mom-reflexes to put in her son’s pacifier before he even notices that he spat it out. “It feels like he’s always been.”

“He _was_ growing inside of you,” Jake corrects her. “But yeah. From a tiny little bump to a fully-fledged human. Or fully-fledged baby, at least.”

“Yeah.” Amy smiles. “You know, there are some days when I miss going out on nice dates, or sleeping through the night, or looking a little more put together than this,” she gestures to her uneven messy bun and oversized pajama pants, “but even on the hard days, like today, it’s still better than when he wasn’t here. So I guess, even with the canceled dinner, this is still my favorite anniversary.”

“I know. I think it’s mine, too.”

“Would you have guessed?”

“Guessed what?”

“Three years ago, when we got married - would you have guessed that this is how you’d celebrate your third wedding anniversary?”

“I don’t know,” he confesses. “Maybe? I don’t think I ever thought that hard about it. I knew I wanted the rest of my life with you, and then, well, you know how I felt about kids for a while; I wasn’t sure about the rest. But now… I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than here.”

“Me either,” she whispers.

“Would you?”

“Mm-hmm?”

“Would you have guessed this?”

“Oh,” she says, pursing her lips and scrunching her forehead. “I hoped, I guess? I dreamed. But this is better.”

Sitting up straighter, she kisses him. It’s a little clumsy with Mac preventing them to get too close to each other, and it’s over way too soon when he starts whimpering and Jake is up on his feet again, bouncing his son slightly until peace seems to be restored.

“We’ll schedule another date, right? Once he gets better?” Amy asks as Jake tries to sit down again, Mac seemingly back asleep in his arms. “I know you say you don’t mind, but I really _do_ want you to see me in something other than sweatpants at some point.”

“Sweatpants are like, my favorite outfit of yours,” he mumbles, and she gives him a surprised look. “But yes, definitely. Make-up anniversary date, as soon as our baby is healthy again.”

“Yeah. Happy anniversary, babe.”

“Happy anniversary.” He gets an idea, and even though he knows it’s risky when Mac literally just fell asleep again, he lifts Mac’s little fist anyway, imitating a voice that’s supposed to be their son’s before pretending to answer him. “Happy anniversary, mom and dad - why, Mac, thank you so much!”

Amy rolls her eyes at him, but she chuckles. Jake thinks that some things, no matter how much everything else changes, stay exactly the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> andy samberg once said that his favorite outfit of joanna's is pajamas, and honestly, i think that's one of the most beautiful declarations of love i've ever heard. 
> 
> (anyone spot the pilot reference in the ending? i hope so.)


	4. hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Lights Out, Amy and Mac find some time to get to know each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some fluff and headcanons that i needed in my life. i feel like we as a fandom spend a lot of time freaking out about the fact that JAKE HAS A SON but not nearly enough on freaking out about the fact that AMY HAS A SON, so here is my contribution for the second part.
> 
> title from invisible string by our goddess and savior, taylor swift.

It’s noon the next day when Amy’s left alone with her son for the first time. 

She’s not completely alone - she knows the nurses are just the press of a button away - and it’s not for longer than it will take Jake to get them food from the closest burger joint, but still. For the first time since he was born, it’s just Amy and Mac. 

It’s _weird_. 

Amy’s definition of weird has been adjusted significantly in the last twenty-four hours, the cut-off point raised a few hundred bars or so after a firefighter she’d never met before and her repulsed best friend stared at her vagina as she pushed a living human out of it. Still, she thinks this moment qualifies. It’s the first time she’s been left alone with her baby since he was born, no Jake or doctors or visitors hovering around them, and it’s making her feel suddenly insecure. Not enough to panic, but just enough for there to be an underlying nervosity as she slides her hands underneath her son’s head and body where he lays in his bassinet, lifting him into her arms to see if she can do something about his little whimpers. 

“Hey there, buddy.” She rests his head in the crook of her arm as she leans back against her pillow. “You okay? Are you hungry again for the twentieth time today?” Mac gurgles at that, turning his head to her chest. Amy figures that’s a yes, so she opens her barely closed cardigan and the clasp of the nursing bra so Mac can get what he’s after.

“I’m hungry too,” she confesses as the whimpers stop and her son finds his latch. He’s doing good with it so far, better than she’d hoped for. “That’s why your dad isn’t here right now, you know. He’s getting lunch for us, because hospital food isn’t exactly a culinary dream and he said I deserved a milkshake after yesterday.” “Actually, he’s right about that,” she adds. “I deserve a _lot_ of milkshakes after that insanity.”

Mac blinks and looks up at her. She keeps eye contact with him and smiles. Her son still has no idea about how chaotic his fashionably early but over-the-top dramatic entrance to the world was, but they’ll probably tell him about it for every birthday of his life.

The memories of yesterday are a bit of a whirlwind to Amy. She remembers the anxiety as she ran to the bathroom in the middle of assigning everyone their duties, realized what must’ve happened and that she couldn’t deal with it right now. She remembers the alarmed looks from other officers as she had to pause between instructions to breathe through a contraction before continuing as if nothing had happened, and she remembers her panic when the pain escalated and she understood that she wouldn’t make it to the hospital. Lastly, she remembers the relief when Jake came rushing in at the last minute, and the indescribable feeling of getting her newborn son on her chest, but the details are blurring together. It’s both relieving and bittersweet. She’ll happily forget the pain, but she wants to remember every part of meeting her son for the first time. 

“It’s so crazy that he’s really here now,” Jake had said as they woke up in the early morning, hanging out together in the bed for a while as Mac tried to nurse. “I know he’s right in front of us, but I still can’t believe he’s _ours_. That’s our son, Ames.”

“Yeah,” she’d said, unable to tear her eyes away from him. “I know what you mean.”

Nine months of waiting. Seven, eight months of trying to get pregnant before that. Amy feels like she’s waited an eternity for this day, and she figures maybe that's what makes it weird. She thought about this moment already when she sat in a gross public bathroom, a sting of disappointment hitting her as a single line became clear on the pregnancy test Rosa bought her. She motivated herself with it when she started the workouts and diet plans, and thought of it again after the overly scheduled sex that seemed to drag the joy out of a previously so healthy relationship. She dreamed of it when the first trimester of her pregnancy had her feeling drained and nauseous, and again when the third made her feet swell up and her back ache. It would all be worth it, she’d thought, every single part of it tolerable for this moment of holding her own perfect baby in her arms, and it would keep her fighting for as long as she had to. 

“It was worth it,” she says now, as much to herself as to Mac. He’s stopped nursing, she realizes, is just looking up at her now. She pulls up her legs and lets him rest upright against her thighs instead. “You were worth it.”

Mac scrunches his face together and sneezes. It’s the tiniest, cutest sneeze she’s ever seen, and he looks so shocked and sad afterward, Amy can’t stop herself from laughing.

“I’m sorry,” she tells him, adjusting the zipper on his pajamas. It’s white with grey stars and was the first baby item she and Jake bought, only a day after they first found out. It seemed right that it would be one of the first things they dressed him in, too. He looks cuter in it than Amy could have ever guessed, and she was _really_ optimistic. “It’s not easy, I know. This whole life-thing can be pretty messy, and it doesn’t get easier from here. But I’ll be there to help you figure it out, and so will your dad.”

The words are tumbling out of her, like they’ve been hiding somewhere within, just waiting. She hasn't really slept in two days and isn't completely sure what she's saying, but they feel right, so she lets them come. It doesn’t seem like Mac is judging her too much - rather, he seems to be enjoying the sound of her voice, so Amy keeps talking. 

“We both love you so much,” she continues, fighting to keep her voice from breaking. “So, _so_ much. We always will, no matter if you become a huge football player or a top librarian or something completely different. I mean, I’m not _actually_ sure football player is in your genes - please don’t tell your dad I said that - but if you wanted to do it, we would support you.”

Mac blinks. Amy thinks it looks like he’s listening. She strokes her hand over his hair, booping his nose and leaning down to kiss the adorable chubby cheeks she can’t get enough of. 

“We have a while left before you have to make those decisions, though. We’ve got so much time together. We’ll watch you grow and figure out how to sit, and crawl, and walk, and talk. Go to school and learn how to read and write, make friends and lose them sometimes. We’ll be there to celebrate when it’s great, and to comfort you when it’s hard. Maybe you won’t always want to talk to us at first, especially not if you’re more like Jake, but I hope you do, eventually.”

“I don’t know anything yet about what your life will be like,” she says. “I wish I did, so that I could promise you it will all be perfect. But it doesn’t work like that. All I know is that we’ll try our best, together, even when it gets hard. We’ll figure it out as we go. It’s okay,” she quickly fills in when Mac gives her a skeptical look. “I’ve got binders. I know, I don’t like uncertainty either. But your dad once told me that it’s okay, because we are a family. And that’s what you do in a family.” She squeezes his little hand, feeling it clasp around her index finger. “You figure things out. So we will. No matter what.”

Amy’s phone lights up on the nightstand, and she reaches to read Jake’s message.

_Got the food for my family. Be there in 5 ❤️_

_Make sure Mac doesn’t grow too much while I’m gone!!_

Amy just snorts. 

_I’ll tell him_ , she writes. And then,

_Come back, we miss you. ❤️_

_Hurrying_ , he writes back.

She puts down the phone again, returning her full attention to Mac. He’s yawning now, squirming a little in her lap. She lifts him so he’s resting against her chest instead, his head on her shoulder. He’s warm, and his head smells so good when she can lean down to almost rub her nose in his soft hair, and it’s still a little weird and unreal but it’s also _perfect_ and _heaven_. 

_Worth it_ , she thinks again. 

_So, so, worth it all_. 

Mac’s fast asleep again by the time Jake comes back, peeking through the door with the takeout bag before coming in. 

“Food delivery is here,” he says, placing the paper bag from _Five Guys_ at the foot of the bed and sitting down next to it with a grin. 

“And they sent their most attractive delivery staff, too,” she winks. “What’d you get?”

“Keep it in your pants, Santiago. I got bacon burgers, grilled cheese to share, obviously fries, and a milkshake each. One strawberry and one with oreo. Also, I told the staff that I was bringing the food to the hospital for my wife and newborn son, and they all told me congratulations, so -” He does a spiraling motion with his hand towards her, grinning. “Congratulations to you, too.”

“Thank you.” Amy laughs. “Okay, I’m starving, so I’ll just put him down in his bassinet and we can eat.”

“No, don’t,” Jake stops her. “I want to hold him, you can eat first.”

“Your food will get cold,” she protests, but he shrugs.

“It’s fine. I know you’ll think I’m kidding, but I seriously missed him while I was gone, and…”

“No, I get it.” Amy smiles, carefully moving her son from his current position and into Jake’s arms. “Of course.”

Amy eats her food in bed, drinking the well-deserved milkshake while Jake sits with Mac in the armchair next to her. He’s alternating between making funny faces at Mac and just looking at him like he can’t get enough, like he can’t believe what he’s seeing but never wants to look away. Amy feels the same way, watching them both together.

“You happy?” He asks her when he looks up for a moment. She knows he’s probably referring to the food, but her smile in return is wider and brighter than even the greatest of milkshakes could bring out. 

“I’ve never been happier.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is a weird and particular headcanon, but i work at a fast food restaurant and I distinctly remember the one time I had a customer come in with a huge smile on his face, pick up his food and tell us that he was bringing it to the hospital (this was pre-covid) for his wife and newborn daughter. and because i'm me (and i think this was two days after manhunter or something), i instantly thought that was something jake would 100% do. there's a five guys close to brooklyn methodist, i checked.
> 
> hope you're all doing okay. i love you 💕


	5. evermore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7 a.m., december 10th in the santiago-peralta household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TS9 AT MIDNIGHT EVERYONE. i had to!

“ _Ames!_ Look at this!”

“Huh?” Amy rolls over in bed to find Jake already sitting up in bed, scrolling through Instagram and showing her an image that only looks like a blur of brown, orange, and grey to her without glasses or lenses. “I’m still blind, you have to tell me.”

“I’m elated to tell you that my 9th studio album, and folklore’s sister record, will be out tonight at midnight eastern…” Jake reads from the screen. “She’s dropping _another_ album! Taylor Swift! Five months after her last! Man, I don’t even know how she finds the time...”

A sharp cry from the crib next to Amy’s side of the bed interrupts him, but Jake doesn’t seem to mind, almost jumping out of bed to pick up their two-month-old son from where he’s obviously decided to be done with sleeping. “Hey, Mister Mac! It’s your first Taylor Swift album release! Can you believe it?”

“I’m sure he’s stoked, babe, but he probably wants some breakfast first.”

“Oh, yeah. Makes sense. Private ride to the milk bar, coming right up.”

“ _Do not_ call it that,” she mumbles as she forces herself into a sitting position and tries to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Jake is looking ecstatic, like the night’s five wake-ups by their son hasn’t affected him in the slightest, and it’s a little infuriating when she feels like she hasn’t slept well in years, but his happiness is contagious and she finds herself smiling back as he transfers Mac to her arms. “She made another one already? Wow.”

“Yeah! I _told_ you the nine pine tree emojis were a clue! God, her mind..” He shakes his head. “Okay, I’m definitely awake now, so - coffee?”

“Please.”

She can hear him singing from the kitchen as he makes them coffee, humming his favorite songs from _folklore_. It’s not a bad soundtrack at all; she quite likes the record, too, and has heard it many times since Jake insisted on playing it to their son in-utero to make sure he would recognize it from the start. Amy even let him add a couple of songs from there to the birthing playlist they never ended up using.

“Maybe that was for the best,” she tells Mac, using her free hand to tickle his adorable pajama-clad feet. “He never would have shut up about it if you’d been born to Taylor Swift.”

“You’re absolutely right, I would not.” Jake has made coffee in the folklore mug she gifted him as a surprise, and she recognizes one of the many handpainted _World’s Best Mom_ -mugs from his pottery painting sessions with Charles. “One coffee with milk, coming right up.”

“Thanks, babe.” Amy can feel her mood improving before she’s taken the first sip. Every morning he does this, and every morning she’s sure that despite all the lost sleep over the last few months, she’d never want to do this with anyone else. “So - are you thinking this is the album she’ll finally write a song about you?”

“Maybe? You never know.” He grins. “But really, Ames, it doesn’t matter. I’ve got my family right here, so even if she were to change her mind and fall deeply in love with me, I’d have to say no.” He kisses her cheek, ruffling Mac’s hair at the same time. “We’re staying up until midnight so we can listen when it’s released, by the way. Happy Hanukkah to me.”

“You mean _you’re_ staying up until midnight. I’m going to sleep.”

“We’ll see. I’m pretty sure I can convince Mac to stay up with me. He might even be too excited to sleep.”

“Well, if tonight is anything like last night, I guess at least we’ll have a new soundtrack while we walk around the apartment trying to get him to fall asleep.”

“That’s the spirit,” Jake laughs, high-fiving her and giving Mac a tiny fist bump. “It’s going to be great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> covid doesn't exist in my ficverse so the reason behind taylor dropping so many albums is just ✨her being very productive✨ it's fine

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments appreciated as always! ✨💜
> 
> i'm amyscascadingtabs on tumblr as well - come chat with me!


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